The Importance Of Communicating With Your Partner When Raising Children
You know that communication matters, but what does that mean for you and your partner as parents? Whether you have one child or multiple children, and regardless of their age, you must speak with your partner openly. Today, we'll talk about the reasons why and how to achieve it - as well as what to do if communication feels out of reach.
With it in mind that families vary, here are some notable reasons why communicating with a partner matters when you’re raising kids together.
Your kids won't get mixed messages
The scenario is used in movies and TV time and time again; a child asks for something, one parent says no, and the other parent says "yes." If you communicate preemptively, it ensures that your kids get straightforward answers and clear rules. You don't want to go back and forth in front of the child or children; you want to come to an agreement together beforehand so that you can present reliable information to the kids. They will have a sense of security in understanding that you mean what you say. When you discuss things like what your child's curfew should be, what discipline will or won't look like, and so on, you and your partner will face a lot less nervousness, and your kids will know they can trust your word. Also, they won't learn that if they go to the other parent for a different answer, it'll work - they will be aware that they will get the same answer from either parent. What if you don't anticipate a child's question in advance? That's okay! It is perfectly valid to tell a child, "we're not sure yet - give us about 20 minutes to discuss it, and we'll give you an answer." You can tell your partner that you want to plan to say this when a child has a question that you haven't already come to a conclusion on. That way, you'll expect to step aside together and form an answer for the child.
It prevents resentment
Your partner can't know what you don't tell them. Repeat this to yourself, and then repeat it again. Even if something's obvious to you, it might not be obvious to them. If you don't tell them what you think, what you want, or what you need, it isn't their fault when they don't know what you think, want, or need. They aren't a mind reader, and it isn't fair to you or your partner to harbor resentment over something you haven't said. Even if a conversation is tough, or if you feel that they should "just know" something, resentment is not worth it. It'll hurt you and your significant other both. This is true for the other way around, too. We're all under a lot of stress in this world, especially if you're a parent, and things slip our minds; big things, small things, you name it. Let your partner know that you want an open line of communication and practice not letting things go unspoken. Check in with each other regularly.
It helps keep you close
Communication isn't just important for parents for the sake of their kids; it's also vital for the sake of their relationship. Make sure that you're communicating:
Your love for them. Don't stop saying, "I love you," no matter how long you're together. You can find creative ways to say it, too, through notes, quotes, and affectionate talks.
What you need in the relationship. Do you need a date night? What about general quality time? Would you like to ask for a hug, to exchange back massages for some physical touch, etc.? Do you want to feel closer in general? You have to let them know.
What you appreciate about them. Let your partner know what you appreciate about them both as a parent and a person. Compliment their parenting; do you like how gentle they were when they disciplined your child? Does seeing your child play with them make you swoon? Let them know.
Distribution of responsibility may be easier
Have you ever gotten upset with a partner for not helping out more? It's one thing if you've talked about it and they don't stick to their end of the deal. However, if you haven't talked about how you'll distribute responsibilities (cooking, cleaning, picking the kids up from school, getting up to tend to the baby in the middle of the night, etc.), one or both of you could end up feeling as though you're doing it all. How is that possible? We don't always realize the effort the other person puts in; you might be doing something that they take for granted (maybe, they're the one that gets up when the baby cries and runs the bath, and you're the one doing the laundry and making dinner), or vice versa. The way to make it fair is to talk about it. Who will do what, and on what day? Is there something you need off of your plate? What about your partner? Which tasks are most or least desirable to each of you? You're a team, and with adequate discussion, you may find yourselves able to run the household more smoothly.
It could decrease stress
It's tough when you don't know what to expect, isn't it? Communication with your partner surrounding parenting and other topics can help. Communication means that you can ask questions instead of leaning into assumptions, and it means that your partner has a platform to do the same. So, if something's worrying you, if you aren't sure what your partner thinks about something that matters to you, or if anything else is putting stress on you that could be solved by a conversation, have one. Asking for communication in this scenario can look like saying, "I feel nervous about ___. Can we talk it out so that I can manage my nerves, please?" Communication also ensures that you know you won't wonder what the other person's thinking; you'll have their direct words instead.
It helps you troubleshoot
We all know the saying, "parenting doesn't come with a rulebook." If you're parenting with a partner, though, you can put your minds together. Use this to your advantage. Also, don't be afraid to admit that you don't know the answer when it comes to a parenting qualm. Humility can be more advantageous at times than pretending that you have all the answers - no one does! Though it can be challenging for some parents to take the initial step and reach out, seeing a therapist, counselor, psychologist, or a similar professional can be worthwhile. Professionals won't typically place their views on you and are more likely to help you find the best steps to take based on your thoughts and values, so if this is a fear, it's something to keep in mind.
Is Communication A Challenge? There's A Solution
It boils down to this: Your partner can't read your mind. Communication is vital as a parent and a romantic partner alike. That said, we aren't necessarily born with communication skills. Often, they're learned. Some people grew up in families with little communication or have a relationship history that left them timid to communicate candidly. Attending therapy or setting up sessions with a life coach is a positive step for people in these situations to take. In many of the scenarios used as an example in this blog post, asking for communication from your partner was a solution. If your partner isn't reciprocal to this ask, or if you want to work on communication as a pair, seeing an expert together might be the key. Often, having a third party to talk it out with has benefits regardless of the situation because it gives you an objective point of reference to gain information from. Reach out to an expert you connect with today or start looking into services and providers that can help.
