My Fertility Journey: A Story of Listening to My Own Body
I was told that I would probably never conceive naturally. It’s a good thing I didn’t listen to that doctor.
My fertility journey began the same as many of you- with hormonal birth control. In college, I wanted a way to live without worrying constantly about becoming pregnant. I was never taught about how my body worked beyond “don’t have sex or you will get pregnant” and the fact that I will have a period every month and it will suck. There will be uncomfortable PMS symptoms, I will be aggressive, and I need to buy tampons. That was it. So, to my knowledge, my birth control options were condoms or a hormonal pill (As more technological options became mainstream, I learned about the shot, the implant, the IUD, etc.). That is how I ended up with a prescription for birth control without any conversation about the risks, natural options, or even how knowing my cycle could make a huge difference in preventing pregnancy. Just “take this pill and if you miss a single day, use condoms for a week because you will get pregnant”. If only it actually was that easy.
So, life went on and I took my pill without any more questions or thoughts about it. For the most part, I had scared myself into remembering it every day. Until I didn’t. About Three years later, I ended up in a really rocky and dangerous relationship. I was so preoccupied with trying to keep up with the risky lifestyle my partner had introduced me to that I was forgetting to take my birth control. Some weeks I took it, some I didn’t. And that was when I started to take notice of the effects of synthetic hormones. My period was constantly “late” which meant running for pregnancy tests every month and praying they would be negative. I felt like crap- PMS was absolutely unmanageable and my moods were even worse. Luckily, I quit the toxic relationship with the guy, and within two years, quit the toxic relationship with the hormones. At this point, I was in a much healthier and more stable relationship (currently my husband!) I was still convinced that I could get pregnant basically if he looked at me, but I figured I could get to know my natural cycles and manage it myself.
In January 2019, I quit birth control. We were not trying to get pregnant, but also weren’t doing anything to prevent it. I just started charting my cycles to see what they could tell me. Before I got on hormonal birth control, I paid no attention at all to my cycles and had no idea how long they were or if they were “regular”- or even what regular meant. So, boy was I surprised when I came to see absolutely no consistency in my cycle length: 41 days, 27 days, 32 days, 39 days. After six months, no consistency, and no pregnancy (despite a dozen pregnancy tests) I started to think something was wrong. I went to see a naturopath. Upon looking at my symptoms and checking my hormones, she diagnosed me with a hormone imbalance. Too much prolactin, too much testosterone, anovulatory. It was a mess. The beginning of 2020 was full of testing: brain scans to rule out pituitary tumors, ultrasounds to rule out uterine abnormalities, blood tests, and nonstop monitoring of my cycle. Six months in, the naturopath diagnosed me with PCOS.
PCOS- or polycystic ovarian syndrome, is a condition composed of any combination of a group of symptoms including irregular periods, high androgen levels, cysts on the ovaries, and all kinds of uncomfortable things. It is extremely common- affecting about 1 in 4 women, and despite this, little is known by doctors in terms of managing it. What is the prescribed solution? Birth control. It will mask your symptoms until you want to actively try to get pregnant, at which time you can participate in costly and invasive fertility treatments. In January of 2020, the naturopath referred me to an endocrinologist.
The endo was a middle-aged man who seemed to have no compassion for or understanding of my situation. “Just take birth control and let me know when you want to start fertility treatment” he told me, without really answering any of my questions. Around the same time, my period went away completely. I went almost three months without a period. I decided it was time to take my fertility into my own hands.
I started to learn everything I could about how my body worked- my eyes were opened to the complexities and magical nature of my body, and most importantly how much power I held in it. I learned about the best diet for fertility. I learned how joyful movement and yoga were much better than exercise. I learned about what living cyclically and connecting with my womb space meant. I learned to listen to the messages my body was sending me and about the relationship between stress, trauma, and fertility. And just four months later, I had regular, predictable cycles synched with the cycle of the moon.
On the night I conceived, I woke up after an hour of sleep and said to myself “I’m pregnant”. I took an ovulation test, just for fun, and as I knew it would be, it was positive. A week later, I felt the first signs of pregnancy. I took a home test and it was negative. I went to the doctor and had them test. The doctor told me “By the dates of your period, you should have a positive test by now. I guarantee you are not pregnant this cycle.” One week later, August 12, 2020, I woke up with nipples that felt like they were on fire. I tested again. Two pink lines.
